Being a Catholic man

It seems like I’ve spent the past 30 years trying to prove Christianity wrong. I tried to find an easier way. It just seemed so strict, so controlling. I didn’t agree with everything it said. There was a lot I didn’t understand.

After all this time and trying out many different versions of spirituality, claiming to be “spiritual-but-not-religious,” I was able to discover by my own volition that my way just doesn’t work.

It turns out that after everything that I tried to study and learn and follow ended up leading the right back to Christ. I even remember back in college studying Buddhism and Christianity at the same time that the Buddhism confirmed what Christ was saying, but not the other way around. All the Christian writers that I read only deepen my relationship with Christ, however, the numerous Christian denominations only caused me more confusion; they seem to have left too many decisions up to ourselves, so that if there is a rule or commandment or law or dogma that you don’t like you just decide to change it on your own.

I now know that this doesn’t work for me. It led me to anxiety-ridden, insecure, immoral, suicidal alcoholism. I absolutely know I cannot live my life based on my own will. I must depend on God, I must follow his will.

I knew that Catholicism was the truth when I was a child, I had no problem believing in that. I just wanted to do it my way. but now that I know what that leads to I must go back to the truth, it is my last resort.

Now that I’m there I feel guided, safe, clear direction, I have answers, and I can enjoy the mystery of the mysteries. I’ve also been blessed with direct experiences and visions that far outweigh anything that any person can tell me. Human opinion can barely affect me anymore. I have had direct experiences with Christ on the blessed mother and angels but let me know what is true and what is just human confusion.

I was willing to spend years studying other belief systems. So until I study Catholicism for at least 15 years, I probably won’t have a lot of answers for people. But I know it’s the answer for me oh, I also believe it’s the answer for everybody. I deeply believe that in my heart. I believe it is the truth for all humans, that it is direction from God through humans, to keep us with Him. The human way is filled with pride and greed and confusion, so the way to God is clear and concise. And I personally need it to be strict. Is far too easy for me to go my own way and screw it all up.

I’d like this blog to reflect my experiences and my growth in my sharing of the wisdom I’ve accumulated by learning more about the wrong way and how that does not work. This is not for everyone. I’m aware that most people are resistant to this way of life… I know I was. So, I know what that’s like.

I no longer need to appease human opinion. That will not get me to heaven. That will not help me build a relationship with Christ and the blessed mother and God.

The following Christ and the blessed mother I can find what it means to be human on this planet at this time what my vocation is what my purpose is what they would have me do, which ends up helping everyone around me. I already see it. I can no longer seek the pleasures of the world, I’ve had plenty of it, trust me, more than my share.

But living this way now does not feel like a sacrifice, I feel freer and more abundant than ever before. But it is definitely not abundance in the sense that all the self-help marketing tactics might promote. The feeling of freedom comes from being able to clean up interior trash, the joy that comes from having an open heart that shares with others and a pure way; the freedom that comes from knowing what will happen when I die. I no longer need to wonder about that. I am now clear with the results and consequences of my thoughts words and actions that I do now.

Isaiah 48: 17-19

17 Thus saith the Lord thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am the Lord thy God that teach thee profitable things, that govern thee in the way that thou walkest. 18 O that thou hadst hearkened to my commandments: thy peace had been as a river, and thy justice as the waves of the sea, 19 And thy seed had been as the sand, and the offspring of thy bowels like the gravel thereof: his name should not have perished, nor have been destroyed from before my face.”

Show me the way, Lord.

Pray. Pray harder. Keep praying. It’s the only way. The ONLY way.

Today’s Mass readings, and Brant Pitre’s breakdown of them, really drive home how powerful prayer is. It’s so powerful, that there is really no other power. There is only the power of God. Prayer gets us that power, gets us to that power, opens us to that power. But that power isn’t for us to use selfishly. It is for God to do His Will.

Psalms 121:1-8

A song of ascents.

I raise my eyes toward the mountains.

From whence shall come my help?

My help comes from the LORD,

the maker of heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to slip;

or your guardian to sleep.

Behold, the guardian of Israel

never slumbers nor sleeps.

The LORD is your guardian;

the LORD is your shade

at your right hand.

By day the sun will not strike you,

nor the moon by night.

The LORD will guard you from all evil;

he will guard your soul.

The LORD will guard your coming and going

both now and forever.

As a Catholic Christian holistic practitioner who used to worship a whole bunch of new age junk (for 30 years!), I have to be extremely careful how I approach my “healing” work.

I am learning that healing ONLY comes from God, so it doesn’t really matter what I do anyway. I think God is just keeping me busy to keep me out of trouble. Now I know that if I let Him use me, He will guide me. But it’s still Him and not me.

ALL healing comes from God. Prayer is the way to be open to receiving God’s healing. I’m just a middle man. I literally have nothing to do with it. But if God chooses to use me as a way to help others, I have to just do my thing, but the healing is coming from God.

Watching a video testimonial of a woman who fell ill with a paralyzing disease that put her in a coma, but she was in and out of a dream state, she prayed to God. What seemed to be the turning point was her desperation, due to pain she felt and couldn’t even communicate, was giving up her life, husband and children to God. She prayed for death, but asked God to take care of everything.

This is the level of surrender I feel we are all being called to. Give it ALL to God. It’s not yours anyway.

All the new age stuff tried to convince me that it was mine, the power was mine, the result was for me, and that I could manifest anything if I do it the right way.

Well, I tried. I truly did. Sure, I manifested a lot. So maybe on some level, it works. But I also ended up with a weak purpose, could only turn to alcohol and anonymous sex to feel any relief from the internal pain I suffered. I was suicidal and hopeless.

I know I have to give ALL that to God. Let Him do it. Anything I am doing with clients is to just do my little part, but God is doing the Work. Not me. And it’s not for me to get the credit.

Pray, it turns out, IS the answer. Getting with God is the ONLY way. Sure, we can move stuff all around from here to there, but God is the Creator, not me. The level of pride I had, thinking and believing I was the creator of my own life is so laughable that I literally have to laugh. What a child! It’s the pride of a two-year old in the “Mine!” stage.